I Think We Have Bigger Issues to Worry About...

Picture taken from FB

I think to worry about this kind of thing has been making us regressing.

My Story of Weaning

Nuha has turned 2 on 23rd of May 2014 and alhamdulillah the biggest achievement so far is that she does not really wake up during the night. I have also successfully managed to wean Nuha off when she turned 2. I must say, I won't be able to it without my parents. They are my biggest support system in the whole universe. I was nervous about weaning because I've read so many stories that it is not an easy task. Plus Nuha was a big boobie fiend.

What's weird is I cant really remember how we did this but there were non-stop cries and fits but my parents were there to help us go through this phase. I remember that me and Nuha had to sleep separately due to her constant nagging and tantrum. and again, my parents were there to calm things down and distract Nuha from even thinking about my boobs. Haha

Eventually, after a week of sleepless night.. Nuha finally settled down and she lost interest. It was bittersweet, but I was ready to be done. and now, I feel so liberated. No more nursing bras and I can dress without even thinking "how would Nuha latch on me if I were to wear this top or that top".

But the freedom won't be that long until the new one pops out.

Wow, has it been that long?

Hello blog,

I've abandoned you for so long. I know. I'm really really sorry. I've been really busy juggling work with everything else that at some point, I feel like I'm just an autopilot everyday. Like I'm going through life without even thinking. I feel tired, unstimulated by life, by people and by work especially.

Apart from that, I just want to tell you that I'm pregnant. Please give me the strength to go through this again.

Awal Muharram

Yesterday marked the first day of the first month in Islamic Calendar. I have never really sincerely celebrated Awal Muharram. Admittedly, Awal Muharram to me was just like any other day. Nothing to celebrate about (Astaghafirullahalazim) and I've never made an Awal Muharram's resolutions. To be honest, I was such a slacker muslim (I still am). So, this time around, like every other muslim, I think I would like to celebrate my Awal Muharram by promising myself to also become a better Muslim. One thing I really wish to change for now is: I really want to pray 5 times a day (I don't want to miss my isya' prayer anymore). I have a lot in my mind but I realized that sometimes things are better left unsaid. Thats it.

To end this entry, let us all take this opportunity to reflect on what we've achieved the past year and strengthen our resolutions with actions for this new exciting and challenging year!

Wordless Wednesday #2

The Biggest Breastfeeding Challenge

Before you read this post, I would like to emphasize upfront that I don't have anything against formula-feeding. I think, there is no need for judgmental attitudes either way.  I support both breast and bottle feeders and I am not going to judge you. In fact, I was a formula fed baby and I still think my mom had done a great job raising me. I am 100% a pro-breast-feeder. I am still breastfeeding my 5 months baby and praying that I have the guts to continue breastfeeding her until she turns 2. 

Okay, lets get to the real point. Breastfeeding is not easy or possible for everyone. It does take some work,practice and patience to get both you and your baby used to each other. Based on my 5 months experience of being a mother, the hardest thing about motherhood so far is breastfeeding. The most common breastfeeding problems are low milk supply, cracked nipples, clogged/plugged ducts, engorgement/high milk supply, painful/overactive let down, nipple confuse and yada yada yada. However, I don't think that these problems can stop me from breastfeeding my baby. I think the most challenging thing about breastfeeding is the society's knowledge of breastfeeding. I continue to be amazed at the lack of knowledge that many women (especially muslim women in Malaysia) have regarding breastfeeding. As a breastfeeding mother, I have heard numerous questions and comments implying that breastfeeding needs to be supplemented with formula, that it is painful and that the sooner you can be done with it the better. I believe this lack of knowledge is a result of cultural trends for formula feeding in the 70′s, 80's and early 90's.

Admittedly, most of the people I know discourage me from breastfeeding. I get comments like "Breastfeeding mothers usually have saggy boobs, Your EBM is disgusting, You are giving a hard time to your mom (my mom takcs care of my baby during the day) for relying on your EBM, your baby cannot sleep during the day because she is not getting enough milk..you baby is gassy because of your milk, stop breastfeeding your baby and start giving her formula.. yada yada yada." I am pretty sure that you have stumbled upon these kind of situations too right? To all expectant mothers out there, whenever you feel discouraged, just remember that our human race previously depend entirely on breastfeeding milk. There wasn't a bottle back then. Of course then people say “It’s her CHOICE to formula-feed – leave her alone!” But I don’t believe that most women are making this “choice.” The CDC shows that 3/4 of women are initiating breastfeeding in the hospital, but only 13.6% of women are still exclusively breastfeeding at 6 months.  What this tells me is that somewhere along the way, they gave up on themselves, and the reason I hear most often is, “But, I tried! I just couldn’t make any milk!” Here is the cold hard truth ladies:  You have been lied to. If only 13.6% of us could make enough milk, the human race would never have survived.  And it’s not your fault. It’s the fault of this system that completely fails mothers and babies, and sabotages a mother’s good intentions.  Somewhere along the line, some one told you that you couldn’t make milk, and you believed them because we’ve all grown up in a culture that tells women their bodies aren’t good enough for much of anything except being toys for men.  Is it easy to make this milk?  No, not always – but neither was bringing that baby into the world and your body did a fine job of that.  Think about that.  Think hard. Your body created an entire human being inside from nothing more than the joining of two single cells.  Your body is a miracle worker. So what leads you to believe that, after creating a whole person with organs and tissue and a beating heart, that your body would call it quits when it came time for feeding this thing?  The major problem here is that someone in your life probably put their own ignorance ahead of the short and long term health of you and your baby, and you believed them because women are used to feeling shamed.

But then again, not everybody can breastfeed their babies until they turn 2 especially for working moms. Even I can't guarantee this. Whatever it is, formula-feeding-moms wouldn't make you a lesser mother than the breastfeeding moms. I just thought that the society should not discourage breastfeeding. Thats it.

When does it get easier?

I'm feeling awful today because work is killing me. I feel like giving up my career and become a home-maker instead. But I know that being a home maker won't make my life any easier. Imagine working 24 hours doing the house-hold chores?  I don't think I can be a home-maker. Not everybody can be a home-maker. Admittedly, I am not used to keeping a whole house perfectly spick and span by myself. I don't even know how to cook. 

Anyway, Nuha is 5 months now but she still does not role over. I think Nuha is just being cheeky and she is just being pampered too much by everybody in the house. She sleeps through the night just fine, usually eight to ten hours. Nah! Wait! she doesn't really sleep through the night. She wakes up 6 times a night for feeding and I don't know how to do the side lying nursing position. My problem is that she will only catnap during the day (ten to 30 minutes, two or three times a day). My mom tried rocking her to sleep, giving her the pacifier (she totally rejects pacifier), putting her in a dark room, stroller rides, car rides but nothing works. I feel really guilty for leaving Nuha with my mom. 

Breastfeeding is still hard for me because I have to sneak into pumping sessions during office hours but Alhamdulillah I can still manage to pump twice during the day even though my production is running low. The most I can produce is 5oz per pumping session from both left and right. Quite frustrating but this is not an excuse for me to quit breastfeeding. 

Ooops. lunch hour is almost over, I think I gotta stop babbling about my not so challenging life. Chow.


To Nuha,
In case if you read this one day.. Don't get it wrong. I still love you even when you get fussy all day. 

Wordless Wednesday